Freitag, 17. Dezember 2010

wannabe a 'wannabe'?







so isn't it right to leave a party when it just started to be great? isn't it right to cover the signs of loneliness with a pretty white coat of cheerfulness?
just like the snow in winter covers dirt...


I guess, now we all have to face the fact of that 'evergreen' upcoming question of the 'new-year's-resolutions' once again... well - it's the end of december, right? see.
everyone is eager - to change, to evolve, to do things differently now... and all that - of course, from the very beginning of the poor first of January. probably, the day known for the majority of suicides.


the New Year has something very fascinating in it - it feels like a white sheet of paper, tempting to forget all the slip-ups of the past, pretending they were never there.
well, 'pretending' is actually the key word here...


did you ever wonder if we maybe constantly act our lives up? 
why do we do things that way and not this? isn't that because we're expected to do so?
we think about things we want to change next, things to make us better... but - how is this 'better', exactly?
how do we know whether what we want to do is the right thing to do? 
how can we be sure what is wrong and what's better? 
are we really sure about what WE want to be? and more important - is that really OUR choice?


you want to be fitter - why? is that really the case that you wake up in the morning and feel better thinking of the gym? is the body cult really YOUR cult? are you crazy about your thighs, for example? or your biceps? or, let's say - do you want to be?!


you want to have more friends - why? because you feel threatened by someone who has more than 400 friends on facebook?! but did you ever ask yourself the question - is a facebook-friend the real world? isn't that just a way of pretending?
after all, can 400 facebook-friends ever be there for you when you're devastated and puke into the toilet? won't you want a real person to hold your hair?!


you want to quit smoking - why? is that because they tell you how bad it hurts your body, damages your lung, pollutes your breath etc etc... or - is it because it really does not satisfy YOU anymore?


relationships are a constant chain of events - 'what you want' versus 'what the other person wants'. but - do you want to change it because YOU really want to change it or because it's what you want to be in the other person's eyes? 
isn't the pressure of the 'wannabe' killing your 'Want To Be'???...
and, anyway - what do you want to be? isn't BEING already enough? after all, that is exactly what Shakespeare was not sure about at all...


if I ask a person 'are you really happy with the way you are?', with the few lucky exceptions, the majority will find lots and lots of things they're not satisfied with. but there are different ways to deal with that - some are going into their shell and hiding the 'dirt' under the snow. 
and others seek attention in every way possible - just to prove they're worth something, just to get any acknowledgement at all... which is turned and recognized as egoism, in the end.
so - why can't we just stand still for a moment and acknowledge ourselves, just the way we are? so there is no need to tell the outer world what we 'wanna-be'?..


I am standing at the window after two weeks of non-smoking. just to test - what is it all about? and just like that - I discover that the first half of the cigarette is what I was missing. 
but the second half - is what I do not want to be. so I quit. that is why - because that is MY choice. and I don't need the New Year's Eve to start with...
after all, they say 'actions, not words'.


so - do you Want To Be? 
or are you a 'Wannabe'?


location: tram no.13, to Dresden-Neustadt. time: pretty late, I guess after midnight. 
in Germany they call it "Adventszeit". in Russia, we say it's the "Upcoming New Year".
it's coming. 
and I guess, I don't wanna be a 'Wannabe'.





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