things happen for a reason, they say... how i hate such sentences! they are sooo infinitely right, but do not help you with anything, being that way - overwhelming, righteous, perfect, clean.
you will never grasp the meaning of such a philosophical cliché, unless something happens in your life, which would make you scream one of those exact axioms out loud... then you get it. on your own.
things happen.
today i searched my apartment for the very last time, most thoroughly i ever could - in order to find three books i have written during some of the past years. one of them was my diary. two of them contained all of my poems. called "Four Years of Solitude". i was on the way to get them published, but typed in only a part - well, i guess, the other part is very much lost now...
this made me absolutely sad at first, desperate even. until i had one of those conversations that sometimes happen in life - out of the blue, with people you hardly know, or have known very good years ago and lost track of them, but then met occasionally... people who knew you very good at some point. and somehow, those conversations let you feel like you are talking with your own past, your undeleted memories...
now, some words which were said along, hit me and got stuck: 'i try not to look back and focus on the things that happen around me, things that are to come. this way, i miss a lot, but it helps me going and i don't get confused.'
i've heard these words probably a zillion times before... and yet, now they got stuck for some reason. maybe, because loosing a good portion of my past along with my bookds finally will set me on the way forward. not looking back. helping me going.
and about the memories... well, it's good to miss things once in a while.
after all - occasionally you'll meet someone on your way again who will remind you on them...
location: Zeiss META confocal microscope station, Max-Planck-Institute, my alma mater and sometimes second home, the place that gave me my workaholism along with my PhD. time: late evening, going home.
without looking back...
the word "books" remind me at something... I found some of your books in an orange box today... As you know I sort them into the shelves quickly right after you moved into our flat... I'll give them to you soon... I also found some post cards.
AntwortenLöschenEarlier that year... as I red some of them with your permission I realized that you've got a similar past with an other person... or let's say... I realized that today... maybe I was a little bit careless with this knowledge 'bout you...
Helena, you are a very good writer... I can tell you! :)
And that anyone can read this: You're also a very good human being... don't think to much in the past... I'll also attempt to do so. :)
Your life is, as anyone others life, very normal in the end! You know that...
In financial business we would say "volatility" ... and your life is the time period in which things happen! Volatility also describes the "currency fluctuation" :) ... same as in life, isn't it? :)
good night helena.